It’s Not You, It’s Me

I just wonder why women are demonized when we ask for financial assistance with raising our children.

And I know there are a lot of single dads out there who need help from dead beat moms.  I am writing from a woman’s point of view because I am, well, a woman.

Since my daughter’s father and I share 50% custody, I didn’t find it necessary to file for child support.  But I am the one who has to handle her insurance, schedule doctors appointments, pay for child care when I have to work.  I also have bills like an adult; I pay rent, electricity, buy my own groceries, her diapers, clothes…

He lives with his parents.  A grown man with children living with his parents.  I know for a fact they purchase all of the groceries and a good amount of the diapers and clothes.  Now, I am not saying my mother doesn’t send diapers or clothes.  But the majority of the financial burden is on me.

Nevertheless, I previously haven’t brought any of that up.  I guess it never bothered me before now.  Since I am having to pinch pennies, I decided to ask for some help. This is something I never do, maybe I am too prideful.  I wasn’t asking for much, maybe a pack of diapers and a gallon of milk.  Some fruit even.  Anything that he could afford.

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Of course that turned into an argument.

How in the hell did me asking for some damn milk turn into an argument?!

So, I didn’t hold back.  I brought up all of the points I mentioned before as well as the fact that he just purchased a motorcycle.  In addition to that, he eats out almost every day.  $10 a day for Stromboli adds up.  Even if he only ordered take-out four times a week, $40 could buy my daughter two weeks of groceries and a pack of diapers.

After saying that, I did regret it.  I felt bad.  I know he is a good dad and that is why I never wanted to use my words to cut him.  But I think it was about time I let him know what I think.

Being the 12-year-old that he is, he then tried throwing money at me like I am a cheap whore.  “How much do you want?  You want $200?  Would that make you happy?” And, again, I explained that I just wanted some damn milk or help once in a while until I get back on my feet.

When we lived together he had no problem taking my money to buy weed and random items from Home Depot.  But now that I might need maybe $15 a week I am a gold digger.

There are so many women out there who take all that they can get and more; they tend to use the money for anything but supporting their children.  They give women like me a bad name.  I don’t spend all of my money on getting my nails and hair done then turn around and claim I have no money to feed my daughter.

I mean, I have been eating ramen noodles and cereal, saving the fresh meat and veggies for my daughter. I haven’t had hair conditioner in almost a month.  I have been using those little samples you get in the mail and old tubes that come in hair dye.  And I really didn’t care because my daughter ate healthy, had clean diapers, and clothes that fit.

With all of that being said, I truly did need a little help, but I wonder if I am just salty that he bought a motorcycle when I don’t have a car at the moment.  We aren’t together, I am not his problem.  But deep down was that my real issue?  Or do I truly want him to step up and realize all that I have to pay for?

The jury is still out.

XOXO

 

 

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