It’s Not You, It’s Me

I just wonder why women are demonized when we ask for financial assistance with raising our children.

And I know there are a lot of single dads out there who need help from dead beat moms.  I am writing from a woman’s point of view because I am, well, a woman.

Since my daughter’s father and I share 50% custody, I didn’t find it necessary to file for child support.  But I am the one who has to handle her insurance, schedule doctors appointments, pay for child care when I have to work.  I also have bills like an adult; I pay rent, electricity, buy my own groceries, her diapers, clothes…

He lives with his parents.  A grown man with children living with his parents.  I know for a fact they purchase all of the groceries and a good amount of the diapers and clothes.  Now, I am not saying my mother doesn’t send diapers or clothes.  But the majority of the financial burden is on me.

Nevertheless, I previously haven’t brought any of that up.  I guess it never bothered me before now.  Since I am having to pinch pennies, I decided to ask for some help. This is something I never do, maybe I am too prideful.  I wasn’t asking for much, maybe a pack of diapers and a gallon of milk.  Some fruit even.  Anything that he could afford.


Of course that turned into an argument.

How in the hell did me asking for some damn milk turn into an argument?!

So, I didn’t hold back.  I brought up all of the points I mentioned before as well as the fact that he just purchased a motorcycle.  In addition to that, he eats out almost every day.  $10 a day for Stromboli adds up.  Even if he only ordered take-out four times a week, $40 could buy my daughter two weeks of groceries and a pack of diapers.

After saying that, I did regret it.  I felt bad.  I know he is a good dad and that is why I never wanted to use my words to cut him.  But I think it was about time I let him know what I think.

Being the 12-year-old that he is, he then tried throwing money at me like I am a cheap whore.  “How much do you want?  You want $200?  Would that make you happy?” And, again, I explained that I just wanted some damn milk or help once in a while until I get back on my feet.

When we lived together he had no problem taking my money to buy weed and random items from Home Depot.  But now that I might need maybe $15 a week I am a gold digger.

There are so many women out there who take all that they can get and more; they tend to use the money for anything but supporting their children.  They give women like me a bad name.  I don’t spend all of my money on getting my nails and hair done then turn around and claim I have no money to feed my daughter.

I mean, I have been eating ramen noodles and cereal, saving the fresh meat and veggies for my daughter. I haven’t had hair conditioner in almost a month.  I have been using those little samples you get in the mail and old tubes that come in hair dye.  And I really didn’t care because my daughter ate healthy, had clean diapers, and clothes that fit.

With all of that being said, I truly did need a little help, but I wonder if I am just salty that he bought a motorcycle when I don’t have a car at the moment.  We aren’t together, I am not his problem.  But deep down was that my real issue?  Or do I truly want him to step up and realize all that I have to pay for?

The jury is still out.





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